Addicted to "Love"

I am in a relationship that is dishonoring to the woman that I AM. In this relationship I have allowed myself to be lied to, cheated on, manipulated, humiliated and abused. I fell in love with someone's spirit and overlooked the person attached to that spirit. Now, I am living with the results of this decision.

Why don't I leave? I have wondered the same thing myself for nine and a half years. Today, I realized that I stay because I am addicted. I stay because if I don't heal what brought me here, I will simply relive this nightmare in my next relationship. It is possible that I stay out of sheer habit. As I stated above, it has been over nine years.

I do not blame him for any of my pain. I now understand that he is simply incapable of being what I want him to be. . .what I require of a partner, lover and spouse. I wanted to force him into this role. I wanted to be with him so badly that I allowed myself to be treated poorly in order to be with him. I didn't value who I AM. I didn't understand that I am to be cherished and adored. Nor did I understand that if he didn't cherish, love and adore me that I should cherish, love and adore myself until the man that would cherish, love and adore me showed up.

It may seem to you that I blame myself for this mess. The truth is that I do not place blame. I accept responsibility for my part in this. I see the healing that I have done and the healing that still needs to be done. I also accept responsibility for the healing still needs to be done as well as for getting my needs met. I alone have that responsibility. If I do not make my needs known, they will not get met.

I forgive myself for allowing myself to endure such abuse. I forgive myself for not understanding my worth. I forgive myself for not valuing myself. I forgive myself for forgetting who I AM. I commit to adoring and cherishing myself for the rest of my life.