Selfish is NOT a Dirty Word

I know. We treat it as if it is. Telling someone they're selfish is about the worst insult one can give. I, however, plan to be incredibly selfish for the rest of my life. Yes, this is a good thing. Having a healthy dose of selfishness is the only way that you will have anything at all to contribute to anyone, anywhere at any time. I learned this lesson vividly since having my daughter.

I went back to work (against my better judgment) after seven weeks while she was still breastfeeding every two hours around the clock. I worked from home, so I didn't have a schedule or specific hours to keep me sane. Did I mention that there was cooking, cleaning and being a wife that I also had to contend with? After she was six months old, my job and I decided we were no longer a match for each other. Did I sit down and rest? No, I went back to school because I couldn't just do nothing. OK...any parent in the world (especially a mother who breastfed) will know that I was doing far from nothing. She was still nursing every two hours around the clock and not eating solid foods. No, this baby was not sleeping through the night yet.

Did I take any time for myself? No.

Eight months later, I found myself pregnant with my second child and going to school and caring for a toddler while my marriage was falling apart. Did I take any time for myself? Of course not. If I take time for myself, who will care for my daughter? Who will clean? Who will do the laundry, go grocery shopping or worry about all of the stuff that's not getting done and how to do it? A bit insane, I will admit, but don't pretend you haven't been there. I know you have.

So, I bet you're wondering in all of this, how I came to the conclusion that selfishness was not only OK, but a good thing. Well, I will tell you. One day, in the midst of a broken marriage, stress, final exams, loneliness, confusion, a sick (and therefore cranky) child and pregnancy hormones I lost it. Yep! Completely lost it. Threw some things, yelled, cried, screamed, cried, screamed some more and curled up in a ball to sob. The problem here is that I was completely alone with my daughter at the time. She wasn't in the room with me, but she was in the house. I had to quickly pull myself together when I realized that my husband did indeed walk out the door and leave me his daughter playing in another room while her mother was huddled crying in a corner alone, so that I would be able to take care of her. The problem is that I couldn't take care of her. It took HUGE amounts of strength not to cry at every second. Finally, over the course of the next two days, he cared for her while giving me the space to lose my mind while knowing she was taken care of.

I realized, in the midst of all of this, that I only have me. My children only have me to take care of them and if I am empty, I have nothing to give them. I cannot care for them properly if I have not properly cared for myself. In the emotional state that I was in, I had absolutely nothing to give my daughter. I could hardly breathe without crying. That was no state in which to care for a child, especially a toddler. I must be selfish and take time to care for myself in order to properly care for those I love.

You are a vessel of love. Your job is to pour love into the world; specifically into the lives of your loved ones and friends. You cannot give what you do not have. If you are empty because you have given all of your love away, you must take the time to replenish. Otherwise, you will be pouring from an empty vessel. Not to mention that there may come a time when the vessel cracks from continually trying to squeeze something from it that's not there.

Be boldly and unapologetically selfish! It's the only way to live and love.