A Commitment Made

Well, the next step for me was anger and it lasted a whole 18 months. At the time of my last post, I was 9 months pregnant with my second son and I was shifting from hopeless and helpless to angry. Actually, 'mad as hell' would be more appropriate. Abraham says to reach for the better feeling thought. Well, angry felt better than any thought I'd previously felt about my relationship.


Many people and tools came along to offer me an opportunity to honor my commitment. I am a firm believer that when one makes a commitment, the entire Universe rearranges itself in order to assist in the fulfillment of said commitment. Be mindful of what you commit to. I'd committed to loving myself and I had become angry for a time in order to live up to that commitment.

I didn't fully honor the commitment, though. Instead, I poured my entire self into nurturing my children. I'd made a very strong commitment, however. Anger is a very compelling emotion. The Universe would be sure that I honored this commitment since I had not created a strong emotion to counter act it. My full energy and attention had been on nurturing the children and vilifying my husband. Finally, I was faced with the option of honoring the commitment and maintaining the status quo.

My husband and I separated because I could not honor that commitment and maintain that relationship in the state it was in. From approximately 400 miles away I continued to attempt to manipulate my husband into being what I thought I wanted and needed him to be in order for us to be a happy couple. One day, while harboring some very unpleasant feelings toward him, I said to him, "I just want you to be happy." In response, God asked me, 'Are you sure?' Well, this was shocking to me. Of course I want him to be happy. 'Really?' God asked me. Now, this conversation with God was getting more interesting than my argument with my husband and more distracting as well.

Finally, I had to admit that I didn't want him happy, I wanted him with me & his children where I thought he should be. He thought he was happy exactly where he was. What an eye opener! This began an 18 month journey that healed my heart and eventually our marriage. Make no mistake that it is still in the healing stages but it is definitely a healthy union. I give him the space to be him and I honor my needs and desires no matter how small.