Ouch...

So, I've touted myself on being the 'superior' emotional experience in relationship to my husband. I mean, you've read about all of the bad stuff he's done. Noble me; I tended my emotional self while he misbehaved. Well, I got a good spanking this weekend.

My husband's a chef and a VERY talented one at that. He's dedicated to turning his skills and knowledge into a business of his own. Recently, he has partnered with a talented young lady who is a spectacular social networker to increase his clientele. This is a FABULOUS idea by the way. I am on board and highly supportive of this idea. That is, until he wants to cook for her, her husband AND her two children.

I'm typically a generous person. You have to understand, however, that I have had the experience of my husband cooking six course meals for 50 people and these people being too full by the time the entree arrives to eat much of anything else. The entire time this is happening, I have this sinking feeling of seeing grocery money being thrown in the trash.

So, he tells me his elaborate menu and I'm privately hyperventillating. At some point during the day of the dinner, my smart alek higher self says to me, "You're some supportive wife! Your husband has this brilliant idea to build his business to support YOU and his children and your idea of supporting him is to shoot holes in his idea. Oh! This isn't the first time either."

Ouch...

Oh, she's right. Of course, she always is right. I intend to be more diligent about being supportive, rather than just sounding supportive. I shall praise his ideas. I intend to only offer suggestions that build upon the brilliance of his idea.

The dinner was a smashing success, by the way. We left with new acquaintences and had a fantastic brainstorming session. We may even have formed some new business alliances for ourselves.

Oh how I love growing!

Struggle is Optional

Recently, God told me that I would get here anyway. I have three beautiful children and am blissfully involved in a beautiful marriage. I'm finally a certified (Wellness) coach and I even know what I want to be when I grow up. Life is unfolding nicely before me and opportunities are abundant.

WOW! I'm delighted.

When I look back, I see that I struggled the entire way. I spent years and immeasurable energy living either in the future, the past, in envy or in fear. The only thing I felt I'd gained from all of this struggle was strife and some delicious stories.

Today, while sitting in the silence, listening to God, I was told that I would have arrived at this level of bliss anyway AND I would have gotten here sooner and with more toys had I not insisted on struggling.

The struggle was with a purpose, though. In the next phase of my life as a transformation facilitator, I will be able to tell women that they can triumph through anything because I have. Without my life and its challenges, I would just be someone with theories. Instead, I am an Empress with tried and true tools who can facilitate transformation in any area of life.

A Commitment Made

Well, the next step for me was anger and it lasted a whole 18 months. At the time of my last post, I was 9 months pregnant with my second son and I was shifting from hopeless and helpless to angry. Actually, 'mad as hell' would be more appropriate. Abraham says to reach for the better feeling thought. Well, angry felt better than any thought I'd previously felt about my relationship.


Many people and tools came along to offer me an opportunity to honor my commitment. I am a firm believer that when one makes a commitment, the entire Universe rearranges itself in order to assist in the fulfillment of said commitment. Be mindful of what you commit to. I'd committed to loving myself and I had become angry for a time in order to live up to that commitment.

I didn't fully honor the commitment, though. Instead, I poured my entire self into nurturing my children. I'd made a very strong commitment, however. Anger is a very compelling emotion. The Universe would be sure that I honored this commitment since I had not created a strong emotion to counter act it. My full energy and attention had been on nurturing the children and vilifying my husband. Finally, I was faced with the option of honoring the commitment and maintaining the status quo.

My husband and I separated because I could not honor that commitment and maintain that relationship in the state it was in. From approximately 400 miles away I continued to attempt to manipulate my husband into being what I thought I wanted and needed him to be in order for us to be a happy couple. One day, while harboring some very unpleasant feelings toward him, I said to him, "I just want you to be happy." In response, God asked me, 'Are you sure?' Well, this was shocking to me. Of course I want him to be happy. 'Really?' God asked me. Now, this conversation with God was getting more interesting than my argument with my husband and more distracting as well.

Finally, I had to admit that I didn't want him happy, I wanted him with me & his children where I thought he should be. He thought he was happy exactly where he was. What an eye opener! This began an 18 month journey that healed my heart and eventually our marriage. Make no mistake that it is still in the healing stages but it is definitely a healthy union. I give him the space to be him and I honor my needs and desires no matter how small.